I actually found this post in my saved documents on my computer. Read it and felt I wanted to share it.
As a girl, I was daddys little girl through and through. I
didn’t care much for the idea of shooting at things but if it meant spending time
with my father, I was up and out of bed at the crack of dawn dressed head to
toe in my camp gear ready for a hunting trip.
I remember one specific trip to the tree farm. It was autumn
and the weather had just decided it was going to start to brisk up. I remember
it being a game, seeing if I could spot the 3pt buck (or anything) before my
dad. Secretly, I thought to my twelve year old self- “god, I hope we don’t actually
see anything! I wouldn’t want something to have to die …its too pretty of a
morning” The sun was just rising, and we were slowly puttering through the
dusty back roads. My dad kept saying “keep your head low and look under the
brush…if you see something quietly let me know.” Well to keep a long, (and…im
sure boring) story short—we didn’t see much of anything- but after we decided
to head back to town he let me hop out and pick a couple huge Washington Fuji
apples off the tree and we shared them while driving along the plateau watching
the sunrise. Between the crisp sweetness
of the apples and bright sunshine-- the etching of the birds flying up through
the brush to the power lines will stay engrained as a big part of my childhood.
I wouldn’t have wanted to spend this moment with anyone else.
I’m pretty sure this memory is the sole reason why I love
autumn so much. It reminds me of hunting season and spending time with my
dad. It’s actually one of the last
memories I remember having with just me and my dad. Days changed. Years passed.
Lives changed…and well moved on.
It’s been a rough couple of days. I’ve had a lot of time to
sit and reflect on who “Erin D Holmes” (in case you were thinking it were
another Erin Holmes). I have no intentions on this post being a “Woe is me”
piece. I just am trying to make sense of this jumble in my brain, to put it to
good use. No use in wallowing in some
temporary misery- because that is not me. Find something practical, Erin. There is something practical here.
I looked in my work schedule and laughed out loud. “What a
joke, Erin. You are a better trainer and instructor to let that happen. You
have more self respect than to go out in public looking like that. Call your
friends.”
Why is it so hard to take your own advice? Especially when
its so easy to dish out the “correct” route for decisions to others? I could
sit around all day and tell people to stay away from the sugar and Starbucks
and to drink more water….but where is my water bottle….and where did these
gummy bears come from?
Its so much easier to be a talk-er verses a do-er. (sounds a little familiar…)
Now what does this whole Erin’s dad have to do with
ANYTHING? I think there are a lot of purging of the past that needs to be done
(Erin change #1).
Isn’t that what you always learn in Health class? The
twenties are the years to magically “find yourself,” as if this self is just
waiting to be released from a box deeply hidden inside yourself.
This is also a time when a lot of people are making plans to
accomplish big things. These things need to be viewed as a lifestyle change
verses a “new years resolution.” I think it would be a more permanent change if
you felt it were something to be applied everyday. Ramble ramble (Erin change
#2).
I have a lot of new years goals.
My most important:
Be the change you want to see. Be the example. Take control
of your own destiny. (#3,#4,#5)
I.am. A. hallmark. Card.
and I will conquer the world.
Love, erin
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